A soliloquy – Here’s a purely Pinoy humor f-email where several insignificant objects are personified. I got this from Lars. It will take time for me to translate the following to vernacular. Actually, when translated, the message is lost.

Pinapaikot mo lang ako. Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang patayin mlo na lang ako.
electric fan

Hindi lahat ng walang salawal ay bastos.
Winnie the Pooh

Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo. Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo.
ipis (cockroach)

Hala! Sige magpakasasa ka! Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo.
hipon (shrimp)

Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal ako lagi na lang maraming tao ang nagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal?!?
gasolina (gasoline)

Hindi lahat ng green ay masustansya.
plema (phlegm)

Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako’y sa iyo. Ayoko ko lang naman na sa harap ng maraming tao ganun mo na lang ako itanggi.
utot (fart)

Sawang sawa na ako palagi nalang akong pinagpapasa-pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako.
basketball

You never know what you have till you lose it. And once you lose it, you can never get it back
snatcher

Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka. Mahirap ba talagang makontento sa isa? Bakit palipat-lipat ka?
TV

Hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin c.
kilikili (armpit)

Sige, batihin mo ako…. Sigeee….. BATEEEEEE!!!
omelette

Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
libag (dirt)

Wag mo na akong bilugin…
kulangot (another dirt)

Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?
Lego blocks

Hindi lahat ng dugo puwedeng i-donate.
regla (menstruation)

Wala naman ako ginagawa sa kanya. Hindi na nga ako gumagalaw dito. Ako na ang natapakan, sya pa ang galit.
tae (sh*t)

I heard the first term in the movie, ‘The One’. I found it as cool as space and time warp.

Here’s a theory I got from this page.

According to Michio Kaku,
For years parallel universes were a staple of the Twilight Zone. Science fiction writers loved to speculate on the possible other universes which might exist. In one, they said, Elvis Presley might still be alive or in another the British Empire might still be going strong. Serious scientists dismissed all this speculation as absurd. But now it seems the speculation wasn’t absurd enough. Parallel universes really do exist and they are much stranger than even the science fiction writers dared to imagine.

But even though it will be proven. How would we switch to our parallel universes? Space suit, escape velocity, vacuum and other scientific considerations are needed. So if we try to fly unprotected through the space, these are things that will happen?

According to Henry Spencer,
Various minor problems (sunburn, possibly “the bends”, certainly some [mild, reversible, painless] swelling of skin and underlying tissue) start after 10 seconds or so. At some point you lose consciousness from lack of oxygen. Injuries accumulate. After perhaps one or two minutes you’re dying. The limits are not really known.

You would probably pass out in around 15 seconds because your lungs are now exchanging oxygen out of the blood. The reason that a human does not burst is that our skin has some strength. For instance compressed oxygen in a steel tank may be at several hundreds times the pressure of the air outside and the strength of the steel keeps the cylinder from breaking. Although our skin is not steel, it still is strong enough to keep our bodies from bursting in space.

Finally the long wait is over. The album of Jacob is already released now. I grabbed a copy, of course original, months ago right after he announced it through SMS.

The Musician

Jacob is one of my best buddies during high school. All through those days, the whole gang already foresaw his career in music industry because he shows us his aptitude and attitude in the said field. He is the serious entertainer to the whole IS (Integrated School) Department and even kolehiyala’s around. What I mean for serious is that he has the Talent. We can still be entertained of someone who has no talent out of fun. But, Jacob is the show stopper and the main performance. He can play guitar, keyboards, drums and even harmonica. Talking about elementary MAPE subject, ayt? String, keyboard, percussion and wind instruments… name it, he got it!

He sings very well and became the sought after intermission number performer. He used to sing titles with ‘Here’ and ‘There’. There was also a singing contest as part of a province-wide interschool competition. He managed to defend his titles for some years and on our fourth year. He gave way to a schoolmate and Jacob still tap a support on our fellow. Contestants from other school were so relieved but when they saw Jacob around the stage, they asked ‘Are you still joining?’

But what makes him my idol is his brilliance in composing and writing songs. He is a national champ by the way. A musician, indeed! When you see him years back tapping his pen, he’s mastering his latest piece. I wish he could give me some beat and I’ll do the writing so I can deviate at least a try from my usual ripping off of lyrics.

The Album

Among the thirteen tracks, I simply love his carrier single ‘Naghihintay’. The introduction struck me most. Very Jacob! As for the chorus, you’ll be caught and later suffer LSS, last-song syndrome. I heard it first used as a background in Let’s Go, a TV teen series and now as a theme song from an Asianovela.

‘Sana’, which has the same i-love-you-you-love-him theme but with different attack, is also my favorite. As far as I know, I witnessed Jacob on that situation only once. He’s a heartbreaker than a brokenhearted. Isn’t he? Meanwhile, my younger sister has already memorized lyrics of three songs including ‘Isang Linggo’.

Thanks Jake for greeting me in your album! Look for my name, friends, if you buy his album.

The Video

Two thumbs up for the video of Naghihintay! Aside from the cinematography, I love the animation (I can’t find the word parallel to personification where this time, a human was represented by an animal). The song is about waiting someone who loves someone else. In the video, a (butterfly) girl wants the attention of a guy who does nothing but looks at the other butterfly, a real butterfly inside a glass jar. So many ironies were portrayed on the video. The human butterfly is free to fly but inside she’s trapped waiting. I felt the same way. Hey girl, I’m always here.

Click here for the video.

The Next Big Thing

He only needs one big break from any of the two giant TV networks or even from the movie outfits. His album is composed of several songs that can be used as a theme song. Tune in on the pop radio and you will always hear his song. Better yet, request Naghihintay in your favorite music channel.

Let’s support the OPM!

Why would heavens allow tragedies to happen during Christmas season when everyone is supposed to be celebrating joy?

It’s been two years since the tsunami washed away Phuket and it was thought recently that it would happen again in Taiwan and Batanes of the Philippines. The northern region has been saved but not the communication lines sunken underwater were broken thus disrupted the network even here in my work.

I was so fearful that outage plus the fact it’s holiday shutdown and no one could readily cover us will jeopardize our DM shift. Actually the effect of the broke suffers Manila later for it was 12-hr disruption for some countries.

But what pinched me inside is when I learned that a kid died because an accident occurred in a carnival octopus ride. The enthusiastic kid within me never dies as I see carnival rides and theme parks. I’ve never been in Enchanted Kingdom (too bad for me and my family members make fun of that fact because they already did experience the magic) and perya is okay for me. Now, that someone died, legislatives are into passing regulating law. Why only now? But even then, would the owners inspect?

Another one is the Ormoc market fire where 25 died. I was saddened by the story of the female teen survivor whose escape was caught in camera. She was hesitant to climb up away from hell because she’s still waiting for her younger sibling to appear. But when fire was already close enough to eat the comfort room, she left her sibling uncertain of the latter’s condition. Also, what would be another misery is the cross that this child, the culprit who played firecrackers inside the mall, will carry for the rest of his life.

People tend to be so busy during the season that sometimes this business is coupled with carelessness. And terrorists (remember Rizal Day bombing of MRT) and nature took this chance to play around. Or is it that someone above places His hand on this at His dismay of how the world failed to bring the true meaning of Christmas?

I promise myself to answer this question before 2006 ends: What kind of creature is Grimace of McDonald’s? Most of us are so curious about what food he represents. Burger and chicken of the said restaurant have been represented but Grimace’s? I haven’t eaten an ‘ube’ (Filipino term for purple) stuff from McDo. Have you? Milkshake… nah?!

So through the help of Answers.com, the identity crisis is ‘almost’ finally over. Check this out.

Grimace is a fictional character who is part of the marketing campaign of McDonald’s. He is the best friend of Ronald McDonald and a large, jolly fellow who looks like a large purple gumdrop with small arms and legs. He is known for his smiling face and simple demeanor. His trademark expresion is the word “duh”.

In the first cycle of McDonaldland commercials beginning in 1971, Grimace was the “Evil Grimace”, with two pairs of arms with which to steal Triple-Thick Shakes. After that first campaign, the character was revised to be one of the “good guys”, and his number of arms was reduced to two.

Today, Grimace is generally portrayed in McDonalds’ commercials and merchandise as a sort of well-meaning doofus, whose clumsy antics provide a comic foil to the more serious and mature Ronald McDonald.

Grimace is a fantasy character, and not intended to be anything specific. However, ever since the character’s introduction there has been much speculation (though much of it tongue-in-cheek) about his appearance. Because the majority of McDonald’s characters more or less directly represent a food product sold at the restaurants (ie: Mayor McCheese, Fry Guys, McNugget Buddies, etc) many have naturally tried to guess as to what, if any, food product Grimace is supposed to represent.

A common speculation is that he is supposed to be a giant McNugget, but his appearance pre-dates the release of that food. A better explanation is that he is a taste bud, though there are many more fanciful attempted explanations. In reality, Grimace’s “official” role, according to McDonald’s, continues to be to represent the chain’s milkshakes. However, he does this out of love for the taste, and not because he is in any way a shake-based creature himself.

According to the McDonald’s website:

Grimace is a big, loving, fuzzy purple fellow who is Ronald McDonald’s best friend. He’s sure Ronald is the world’s ultimate authority on everything. While Grimace loves all McDonald’s foods, he’s absolutely crazy about milkshakes. Grimace is very enthusiastic and eager to try new things. His joyous spirit helps everyone overlook the fact he’s a little slow and clumsy sometimes.

Grimace also has a relative, Uncle O’Grimacey, a green-colored Irish-version of himself. O’Grimacey was a holiday-themed character used by McDonald’s in the 1980s in celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, in particular marketing its Shamrock Shake.

According to a line of dialogue from Clerks: The Animated Series, “Nothing can kill The Grimace.”

In Brazil, Grimace is known by the name of Shaky.

Taken from Answers.com

“Grimace.” Popular Artist Biographies. All Media Guide, 2006. Answers.com

‘Hindi araw-araw Pasko…’ (It’s not Christmas every day) – A Pinoy expression synonymous to having a bad day. Christmas is the season when the world gets nicer. It’s the time when one receives good stuff. You can really feel it through everyone’s outlook. That’s why you always wish everyday would be Christmas to have all these good things.

But what carol will you sing if this once-a-year event becomes a non-working day for you? I bet you hoot over TV reports on employees rushing to terminals on their bound to home. I bet you will want to get back to schooling days as you see you brother and sister papetiks-petiks na lang (relaxing and doing almost nothing) during their Christmas break. And of course, you wish you have the last bite on every Noche Buena dish and desserts.

December 25, 2006 is My Christmas Kong DM… Di Malilimutan (Unforgettable). I woke up 4 in the morning not to tiptoe and to open Christmas presents but to prepare myself to work as Duty Manager. I have to be at the office, which more or less 20 kilometers away from home, because Globe Visibility sucks as expected.

I arrived at the office and was welcomed by other workmates on duty. And to lighten my heavy heart, I parked where I can view Makati as the sun shines. I set my instant messenging status to ‘Christmas Christmas!’, no merry. And little later, too-toot, too-toot… I was paged.

On a call:

R: So will you spend your Christmas with your family?

J: Nope… I’m with HP employees.

R: Well then if that’s your choice… or are you forced to do that?

J: Got no choice.

R: You must be a very good person. I believe that you can still enjoy the quiet DM time. So if you find time to do some TeG work… hehehe… but that would be selfish on my part… hehehe

Cheers!

Here’s the Christmas message I sent to ERP team some minutes past 12 midnight December 25.

/var/opt/saparch 99% na ang system ng globe

So bago pa mag-100%, eto na yung message ko:

mmc2yayf

merry merry christmas 2 you and your family.

let’s zpas love & peace

- Jonas

Of course, only ERP will able to understand my message. And glad they liked it and most importantly got it.

Meanwhile, here’s the message I sent to DCS folks, my classmates and the faculty who received 12 days of Christmas… on a patridge on a parse tree message last year.

printf(“Maligayang Pasko”);

System.out.println(“Feliz Navidad”);

Console.WriteLine(“Meri Xmas”);

paano man sabihin. paano man i-program.

Merry christmas to you and and your family.

Miss yah, DCS!

- Jonas

Very computer-scientific, eh? What surprised me is that two of my teachers replied:

Merry Christams and Happy 13th Month Pay!

Thanks Jonas for the greeting! I hope you didn’t spend too much on your first bonus as a working man.

Sigh. I miss Sir TJ and Doc Susan. I miss the day that I keep on announcing I wanted to teach (even that would mean a low pay). Peyups professors are living heroes.

Forwarded messages are fine. I appreciate every Christmas SMS I received from someone who hardly found way to send one because the network is always clogged. Since Jonas goes for the personal touch, creative should I add, I have to coin a message with the spunk. Another teacher replied, “Uy, jonas na jonas ah…”

Let’s say this is my tradition.

Hats off to all working student out there! If I was not a scholar during college, then I would be on your shoes. Honestly without the financial support from the government, thanks OWWA, plus working as a student assistant, I cannot pursue a collegiate degree.

We are free to learn but education is not for free. In this wicked world, only wise people survive. Thus, these people try hard to find ways to be educated even how unfortunate they are.

I was stirred by two part-time fast food service crew members in Divisoria. They are selling burgers and packed juice to bus passengers. They are doing the sales talk similar to those who vend bottled water and cooked peanuts. We asked them if they feel unfair compared to those who toil inside the air-conditioned dine place. Surprisingly, they replied that this was their idea.

Sounds pretty good idea for me. Of course, I would prefer to buy McDonald‘s burger than Fuji apple or peanut. According to the two, they receive commission from their sales. They will earn extra top to their 20-something-pesos per hour salary.

So the winning edge formula – S.T.D. is proven. These are sikap (hardwork), tiyaga (perseverance) and diskarte (strategy).

Our team had this Kris Kringle where on its final day of exchange of gifts, we are to give away one item from our Monito‘s and Monita‘s list. The gift should worth at least 300 bucks.

My wishlist:

1. Star Wars Jedi Knight costume
2. DVD copy of 1 complete season of Alias or 24 TV series
3. Any book on typography and creative logo design

I love to have a photo-op as a Jedi. Also, during parties with superheroes and fiction themes, then I want to have to force with me. That’s a stand out!

I expected that my Kris Kringle dad would give me the DVD copy of my favorite series because it’s an easy-to-find item in Quiapo. I won’t mind if it is pirated. Hey, I prefer to buy original movie DVDs and favorite artists’ albums but not the TV series!

Third entry is something I put so my dad would give me the first or the second item because the third costs more than 300 bucks. The best book I’ve seen of this line costs 2000 bucks. But my dad is so generous and he gave me the last item. I really appreciated it.

My monita‘s wish is either a wallet or pair of slippers. The good Girbaud wallet costs twice than the minimum so I give two pairs of slippers instead.

Here are some of the following items included in the wishlist of my teammates that are well-noted:

1. The most common and easiest are bookstore and coffee shop gift certificates
2. A Glossy Shine shampoo or a Total Care conditioner of Pantene
3. Money (cash)
4. Another popular choice: optical mouse

But the wishlist including special instructions and comments that stands out from the rest…

1. Pampabeauty Showcase… Maintenance ba?! Beautiful na tayo syemps pero kailangan ng maintenance (Beauty showcase for maintenance. I am already beautiful but it still needs maintenance)
2. Pangkabuhayan Showcase… Kotse, bahay at lupa, tindahan, truck, kahit allowance ng anak ko pwede (Livelihood Showcase, car, house and lot, variety store, truck, or even my son’s allowance is accepted)
3. Entertainment Showcase… Kahit isang gabi lang. Preferably ganap na LALAKE! In all-caps ha meaning BIG! (Entertainment Showcase… One night only. Preferably a true MAN. Take note of all caps. It means BIG!

Very funny!

It’s back to square one. He did the moves and I did mine. The difference is ako, simple lang… siya, pa-simple pa. Is this a perfect example of an R/3 connection? A love triangle should I say? Nah, it will be just she and I and no one else will.

I know it was not enough. Teddy dog can go as tall as the Summit Center but this can still be not enough. I wish I could find more quality time, no SAP work, and spend such with her… full-time.

I don’t wanna bore you with this… Oh babe I love you, I love you… – Knock Me Off My Feet

‘So love na love mo na nga siya?’

Hindi naman love na love. Iba na kasi kapag love na love eh.

It’s nice to know my friends are on all-out support. Shububu‘s are the best support specialists in the world. Love yah guys!

Ang saya pag recess at lunch break… Tayong dalawa ay parang nagde-date. – Miss Kita Pag Tuesday

Basta secured ka sa akin. You’ll be safe here. – ERP Global Security Administrator