Let’s try Jonas…

Jonas, Jonas, bo Bonas, Bonana fanna fo Fonas, fee fy mo Monas, Jonas!

You got it right when you croon the previous lines to the tune of Laura Branigan’s Name Game. But I don’t want to be called Bonas or Fonas. The latter is so close to pamunas (Filipino term for rag), ayt?

Anyways, one’s name is a very important possession a human being can have. That’s why it takes time and creativity also for the parents to give out a name to their child. Forget about baby Milenyo who was named after the typhoon that rattled the country during his birth. Some parents christen their child after a saint, a fictional character, or the child’s grandparent.

Although of course, not just humans hold names. They are also given to our pet animals like Bantay and Muning for a dog and a cat respectively. But why not interchangably, huh? Hehehe. Even gadgets have name too. A computer science mentor of mine tagged his desktop PC, Quake, while his laptop, Tremor, the little quake.

For one thing, I thank my parents how they named me. The length of my name is an average. It was not a punishment during my grade school. Imagine someone who has three names in his first name during a quiz. He would still be writing his name when everyone is answering the test item #2.

My full name is Jonas Fabian Guevarra Roque while my full extended name is Jonas Fabian Seguros-Guevarra Punzalan-Roque. And here’s the etymology of my name. I come from the Seguros clan from my mother’s side that dwells in Nueva Ecija, Guevarra (Guevara is possible variant) in Pampanga while Punzalan of Tarlac that has also a variant, Punsalan. Roque is everywhere in Luzon.

Biologically, Kapampangan’s thrift character and expertise in cooking are in my blood. I attest that smart genes both came from Guevarra and Punzalan. I know several individuals not related to me who are accomplished in their chosen career whose last names are either Guevarra or Punzalan.

Aside from the name registered in the public documents and personal accounts, I am called in many names. I have at least a dozen and counting…

1. Jeff – Made up from the first letters of my first name, Jonas Fabian. My relatives are not contented and they duplicated Jeff. Thus, I was given a nickname, Jeff-Jeff. Because of psychological conditioning, I gave in whenever they were feeding me, asking me to dance the New Wave and playing with me.
2. Jepoy – The more Pinoy version of Jeff. I was called Jepoy until I started kindergarten after we moved from Manila to Bulacan. Jepoy is a kid who enjoys his Burgee, a hamburger served from Tropical Hut fastfood restaurant. Sometimes when we visit the Tarlac province, I am still called as Jepoy by the old folks who used to carry me when I was a toddler.
3. Kuya – When my siblings and cousins were born, the cutest one became their big brother. I am the eldest among the immediate Guevarra cousins while second eldest among Punzalan’s. Maaga kasing naglandi (in Batangas, naglaro) ang parents ko.
4. Fabian – I should be named as Fabian Roque, the Third (Fabian Roque III) before my mother prefixed Jonas. Having a good taste, she found Fabian alone is mabantot. Later in high school, when my friends learned Fabian is part of my first name, which they used to think as my middle name, they started call me Fabian.
5. Panotz – It is also during high school I was called Panotz for they poking fun of my receding hairline.
6. Another variant is Joaqs. Remember him in TGIS days? No, it’s not that I look like Bobby Andrews. But Joaqs… Floor Joaqs… Sa presyong hindi nakakakalbo.
7. Andoy – The codename given by my Anay-Bato barkada also during high school. The theme is to be baptized with Pinoy gangsters name such as Oca, Gudo, Pacio and Karyas. But everything is only just for names. No juvenile delinquencies involved.
8. Oreo – An endearment by my Fita, Nikki.
9. Tart – An endearment by my sweet Tart, Ayza. During home economics subject, boys and girls were separated. Boys do electronics while girls bake. She’s sweet and so thoughtful that she never forget to set a goodie aside for me. I have my dessert in time for lunch.
10. Boyfriend #3 – The label given by my three-timer girl friend (take note of the space between), Jheng.
11. Boy Bad Trip – My moniker when I started to frown. Yung wrinkles, kitang kita. Malapad!, pointing to my forehead.
12. Custodio, Ang Tagapanukala – Custodio, the Advocate, is a character from our national hero Jose Rizal’s El Filibusterismo who proposes bills and ordinances in the novel similar to what I am during high school even in opposition to the administrators. A preparation to rally in UP?
13. Mr. Mapasikat – A Kalabasa award given to me during the Annual Awards for my public relations (PR) sessions.
14. Naz – Since the texting era had begun, I was called Naz, two-letter short from Jonas.
15. Nazty – But calling me Naz vocally sounds bitin. Thus, suffixes a syllable to rhyme with nasty. Jordan coined it.
16. Yonas – European HP co-workers pronounce the letter ‘J’ as ‘Y’ thus Yonas came out. I found it cute.
17. Honas – Latin-American verson. Less cute.
18. Junas – What my fellow Visayan friends call me
19. Joe-nas – What Atenista and Lasallista friends call me
20. Roque – From the American nations, I was called Roque as my first name. According to one, I sound like a conquistador. Whatever!
21. Orasid – My EAO teammates, the perpetrators, gave me such moniker. It’s not that they caught me changing costumes but according to them, there is a noticeable shift from a withdrawn guy to a gentleman who tries to be as suave as possible (but can’t) when his leading lady is around.

There’s a thing called cocktail party phenomenon. This observable ‘headturner’ fact happens when you hear your name out of nowhere then you look around and search for the source. Good luck to me then! Imagine my 20+ turns!